


A Little More of You

by spider_eli



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Dawson's Creek - Freeform, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Pacey's Pond, The Jacey/Rina Prophecy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:33:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23317678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spider_eli/pseuds/spider_eli
Summary: Gina Porter and Ricky Bowen have been at each other's throats their entire lives. The only thing they have in common is their best friend, Howie Lawson. But something changes when they start spending more time together.Because I've been tearing through Dawson's Creek during the HSMTMTS hiatus and Joey and Pacey really set the bar. This'll just be little Jacey scenes but with Rina instead !! It's very dialogue heavy because if you've ever seen Dawson's Creek.... yeah.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/Gina Porter
Comments: 16
Kudos: 73





	1. That Porter Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Lis for always supporting my writing and being amazing!

"I hate you so much, Ricky Bowen. More than I've ever hated anyone in my entire life and I hate a lot of people." Gina groaned, shuffling uncomfortably up to his mom’s fancy car. She couldn't believe she'd let Ricky talk her into this disaster. This was supposed to be an easy way to get some extra credit, but Mr. Mazzara had a twisted sense of humor. Being set up with the laziest person she'd ever met for a biology project had only made everything more stressful, especially after Ricky went and got their snails _killed._ _We'll just go to the lake and find more, it'll be easy! EASY?!_ Spending an entire day with Ricky had proven to be anything but easy.

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't get into the car until you dry off." Ricky muttered, pulling a towel out of his backseat and holding it out to her. 

Gina grabbed the towel so aggressively that drops of lake water flew off her bare arms, "I can't believe you just- let the boat drift off like that! Mr. Mazzara is going to flunk us and it's your fault!"

"Why is it solely my fault?! You could've tied the boat up, Gina! This may be world shattering news to you, but not everything is my fault." Ricky retorted, turned away from her. 

"I should've known this would happen. First, you kill our snails and any chance of us passing this project. And now I just nearly escaped drowning because you lost our boat." Gina continued, not even hearing Ricky's protests. She hugged the towel around her body and shivered.

"You did not almost drown! The water never even made it past our chests, stop being so dramatic." God, how had Howie put up with this girl for fifteen years and still have such a loving relationship with her? Ricky had dealt with her for fifteen years too, but he'd openly hated her the entire time. Howie was in love with this girl (not that he realized it yet) for some insane reason beyond Ricky's comprehension. 

“Just shut up, and take me home!” Gina started to reach for the passenger side door when Ricky quickly swatted her hand away. 

“No! No, no! We cannot get in this car while we’re soaked with lake water!”

“Are you serious?” Gina stares at him, “We’re not drying any time soon, I’m literally dripping.”

“My mom would wring my neck if she even found out I took her car, okay. If I bring this car home smelling like a lake, she’ll put me in the _ground._ ” Ricky’s tone was playful, but the look in his eye kind of scared Gina. She knew his mom was some scary businesswoman who Ricky didn’t get along with, but she’d never seen him so… scared. 

“So what do we do?” Gina asked, shivering. 

“I mean…. You live around here, right?” Ricky asked.

Gina groaned, dropping her head, “A couple miles away, yeah….”

“Okay, I can work with that. We walk there, you throw my clothes in the wash and we finish the project. I’ll just walk back later and grab the car.” Ricky shrugged, back to his typical light and breezy tone. 

“Won’t your mom notice her cars gone?” 

“She barely leaves her office when she works from home, why do you think I get away with taking her car all the time?” He shrugged, reaching toward her, “Now, it's my turn with the towel, I’m still dripping over here.”

Gina rolled her eyes, but noticed the way he was shivering and handed over the damp towel. “I’m going to kill you after we finish this project.”

“Not if you bore me to death first.”

—

“So, where’s your sister and her boyfriend?” Ricky asked as he packed up his books at Gina’s kitchen table. They’d finished their project uninterrupted, it made Ricky wonder how often Gina was home alone like this. 

“Lizzie had a doctors appointment after her shift at the restaurant, Jake took her.” Gina explained, “I still can’t believe they gave me the night off, I thought Liz was going to strangle me when I asked.”

Ricky laughed softly along with her, “So tell me, what kind of grade did you get on that midterm that you’re stuck doing extra credit with me? I mean, we both know I’m here because I need all the help I can get to save my lackluster gpa, but you? You’re like top of our class.”

“I’m fourth, actually.” Gina corrected, avoiding his eye as she walked toward the laundry room. Ricky followed, wearing some of Jake’s clothes to pass the time. 

“Come on, your grade couldn’t have been worse than my dazzling 35. Just tell me.”

“No. You’ll laugh at me.” Gina sighed, opening up the dryer to grab Ricky’s clothes.

“I’ve been in summer school every year since we were twelve. I’m in no position to laugh at you.” Ricky smiled softly at her when she handed his bundled up clothes to him. 

Gina sighed yet again, leaning against the dryer, “Fine. I got a 95.”

Ricky raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“I walked out of that midterm convinced I aced it. I studied for weeks and I still got two questions wrong and it was driving me crazy. So I asked for extra credit.”

Ricky let out a soft chuckle and hesitantly joined Gina, leaning against the dryer too, “How do you do that?”

“What?” She looked at him defensively. 

“You study for weeks and you kill yourself over tests and papers and extra credit. You just never stop, I can barely get myself to show up to class most of the time.” Ricky admitted, knowing it wouldn’t come as a shock to her. Ricky wasn’t an impressive person, he wasn’t good at anything, he didn’t leave any sort of lasting impression on anyone. Other than being _bad_ at things. He couldn’t play sports, ran his mouth too much, flunked classes all the time, and was always in detention. Everyone knew he was a loser already, so Ricky leaned into it. At least he was consistent. 

“It’s my only choice.” Gina looked down at the floor, “The only chance I have of getting out of this town is getting a scholarship. And to get a scholarship, I have to be the best. I can’t afford college otherwise, so I have to break my back now and hope it actually makes a difference later.” 

The confident aura Gina usually wore around Ricky was gone and she had shrunk into herself, clearly spiraling at the thought of her future. So Ricky bumped his shoulder into hers gently, “It'll make a difference, Gina. You’re going to get into every fancy school you apply to, they're all gonna beg you to attend and you’ll be sending me postcards from whatever big city you end up in.” He smiled at her when she finally met his eye, and added out of habit, “And I’ll be stuck here pumping gas or something.”

Now it was Ricky’s turn to look down at the ground while Gina bumped his shoulder gently, “You’ll get out too, Ricky.”

“Yeah.” He laughed under his breath, before lifting his head. He didn't believe her, the same way he didn't believe Howie or his guidance counselor on her first day before she really knew him. Everyone loved preaching about how anything is possible, until they get to know Ricky and then suddenly he's an idiot for even hoping to have a decent future. People had tried to _fix_ him, that was the basis of his and Nini's relationship, Howie's parents set him up with an after school job, his own mother tried to scare him straight by threatening military school, but he knew she couldn't afford that. But none of that mattered now, this wasn’t about him, and for some strange reason, he wanted to make sure that Gina knew how serious he was. Because as much as he hated Gina, he’d always been rooting for her. While Howie was at Gina’s side to help her through the hard times, Ricky was watching from the sidelines wondering when the world would cut Gina Porter a damn break. When her mom died and her dad got arrested and the whole town treated her like some charity case, Ricky made sure to never treat her any differently, so he kept being mean to her. Until now. 

“I’ll tell you one thing though,” Ricky paused, and Gina looked up at him in the dimly lit laundry room, “I wouldn’t bet against that Porter girl.”

And then something very new and very alarming happened. Gina smiled at Ricky so sweetly, that something in his chest shifted. Something changed, and Ricky knew right away. But more than that, he knew that if he acted on that feeling, she would reject him. Because he's not Howie. And Gina Porter and Howie Lawson would always be _Howie and Gina_ , and he'd always just be Ricky Bowen. So he pushed it down, knowing bit would never match what Howie and Gina felt for each other. And that worked for five months. Until it didn't.


	2. Hearts Beat Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place months after chapter one. gina and howie dated and broke up in that time.

It all  _ really  _ started with a favor. Howie didn’t waste any time. He and Gina had another one of their big, dramatic arguments about a week after they swore they’d stay friends after the breakup. Ricky knew they'd fail, but didn’t expect more fighting, he thought they’d get back together. They’re Gina and Howie, they have to end up together. Right?

“Gina’s going through a lot right now, and I can’t be there for her.” Howie explained on their walk to school, “Just… look out for her. For me.”

“Me look out for Gina? Howie, you’re forgetting one very important detail.” Ricky groaned, “Genevieve Porter hates me with her entire being.”

“She doesn’t  _ hate  _ you.” Howie rolls his eyes. 

“You’re a shit liar. All we do is argue. How am I supposed to look out for her if we’re too busy tearing each other apart?”

“Maybe the bickering will be a good distraction for her. And for you.” Howie elbowed Ricky’s side gently. "I know things have been off for you since you and Nini broke up, maybe you and Gina can keep each other company."

“I think Gina can take care of herself, Howie.” 

“Just do it. For me? I’ll owe you.”

“You already do owe me. I was your cover when you snuck out with Gina all the time.” 

“Shit. I forgot.”

“Of course you did.” Ricky sighed, “Look, I’ll try checking in on her once in a while. Just make this rough patch a quick one, okay? Things are so tense when you guys aren’t talking. And it’s selfish to put me, a child of divorce, in the middle like this.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Rick.” Howie laughed, but something about the look in his eye told Ricky this wouldn’t be a quick reconciliation. And it wasn’t. 

It had been four months since Howie asked Ricky for a favor. And now Ricky wasn’t so sure that Gina hated him anymore. They studied together, partnered up for projects  _ on purpose _ , went to each other for advice, watched the same tv shows to talk about at lunch, and even exchanged christmas gifts. It confused the hell out of Ricky. 

When he and Gina hated each other, he knew where he stood. Howie was Ricky’s best friend and Gina’s best friend. But they weren’t friends with each other. They only ever hung out if Howie invited them both somewhere. Their entire lives, they had the same best friend but still found a way to hate each other. Until now. 

“Ricky!” Gina called from down the hall, catching his arm in her grasp, “Did you see the morning announcements today?” 

Ricky had gotten good at hiding the way Gina made him feel. He didn’t let himself fully succumb to the light feeling in his chest whenever she spoke his name. No, that was dangerous territory. So he wore a deadpan expression as he walked with Gina, “You and I both know I don’t get to school on time, what did I miss this time, Porter? Let me guess, pizza is today’s lunch special?”

“Ha ha, very funny, you’re too cool to care about things, shut up.” Gina grinned at him before getting very serious, “Principal Greene announced an art contest. Winner gets to paint a mural in the main corridor.  _ And  _ there’s a cash prize.”

Ricky noted the excitement that was radiating off of Gina and it made it impossible for him not to smile. He loved when she let herself get excited about things. After a lifetime of getting knocked down, Gina was protective with her feelings, Ricky knew that. Everyone knew that. It wasn’t a secret she held close or anything. But getting to be the person who saw Gina actually express excitement and hope? That made Ricky’s chest twist up in a very new and overwhelming way.

“Okay, so what are we spending the prize money on?” Ricky raised an eyebrow at her playfully and she smacked his arm, still leaning against him slightly as they walked to lunch. 

“ _ We  _ aren’t spending the money on anything. Because A) I probably won’t even win and B) I’ll be putting that money right into my college fund, thank you very much!” She was so matter of fact, but the smile still shone on her face. Ricky knew he was staring, but he didn’t care. Hell, maybe Gina would actually notice. Maybe she’d finally realize that Ricky was stupid enough to fall for her. Maybe she would finally laugh in his face at the mere  _ idea  _ of him loving her. Maybe if he had solid proof that she’d never love him back he could let her go before he ever really  _ had  _ her. Maybe he’d get out of this without losing Gina  _ and  _ Howie. But until then, he’d just keep being blissfully in love with Gina Porter.

“And for your information, the lunch special today is corn dogs. You should really get to school on time. All your tardies are going to add up, y’know.” Gina feigned judgement, blatantly ignoring the fact that she caught Ricky staring at her  _ again.  _

“Why get here early when I have you to fill me in on what I miss? It gives me 20 extra minutes to sleep and you have something to lecture me about. It’s a win-win, really.” Gina and Ricky just laughed together as they entered the cafeteria and Ricky turned forward in time to lock eyes with Howie across the corridor. He was sitting with some of his friends from his after school job. It was a seating arrangement that went into place after he and Gina broke up, a “temporary precaution” as they both called it. There was a time where Ricky sat with them too, but somewhere down the line there was an unspoken decision to sit with Gina and their friends instead. 

“Ricky,  _ please  _ tell EJ that he should just get over himself and ask Carlos out. I’m tired of dealing with him today.” Nini requested dramatically as Gina and Ricky sat down across from her. She smiled at Ricky in that Nini-Way that proved she still felt terrible about how things ended with them. Ricky still felt weird about it too, but he was glad they were making their friendship work. She meant a lot to him, she was his first love and he was proud of himself for being mature enough to keep her in his life after the breakup. Maybe he _could_ do something right.

“We’re still talking about this?” Gina groaned.

“No!” EJ and his cousin Ashlyn both replied quickly. 

“That’s right we’re not because  _ now  _ we’re talking about that art contest and how Gina should enter.” Ricky announced grinning to himself as he kept his eyes on anything but Gina. He caught Howie’s gaze again. His smile faltered as he noticed Howie stand up and walk their way.  _ Please god, no.  _

Gina seemed to notice too, stiffening slightly as she pretended to focus on their ongoing conversation. “I was just toying with the idea, I haven’t been painting long so it may all be for nothing.”

“You should totally do it, it’ll look great on college applications!” Nini smiled. 

EJ nodded, “I think it’s a great idea. You’ve got a great eye, Gina.” Ashlyn nodded in agreement but her eyes drifted away from Gina and up to Howie as he arrived at the table.

“Hey guys.” He smiled softly, glancing at Gina noticeably. “Are you talking about that art contest Greene announced today?”

“Yup.” Gina forced a smile and couldn’t take her eyes off of Howie.

Ricky simply sat there beside Gina, feeling her drift further away from him like she always did when Howie was around. It would always be like this, Ricky just had to accept it. He felt Ashlyn’s eyes on him, so he looked up at Howie and painted on a fake smile. 

“Gina, you should enter. They’d be lucky to have you spruce up the main corridor.” Howie beamed truthfully, causing Gina to blush. Ricky felt sick. 

“Yeah, we were just telling her the same thing!” Ashlyn chimed in casually, “There’s no harm in trying, Gi.”

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll probably go for it.” Gina shifted uncomfortably, clearly she’d had enough of being the center of attention. “Maybe I’ll bring my sketch pad to lunch tomorrow if you guys wanna see some of my ideas?” As everyone started agreeing, she looked up at Howie, “You’re welcome to join too, if you want.”

And there it was. The invitation Gina had been trying to find an excuse to give and Howie had been waiting for. And the one Ricky was dreading. DId this make him a terrible person? Probably. Howie was miserable without Gina, but Gina... Ricky had started to think he could make her happy all by himself. He was fooling himself.

Howie smiled, “Yeah, sure.” They just smiled at each other for a long moment, so Ricky excused himself to join the lunch line, hearing Howie say something about getting back to his table. 

In no time, Ashlyn was joining Ricky in line. “Hey Ricky…” 

“Hey Ash,” He fiddled with the hem of his hoodie, “Couldn’t resist indulging in the corn dog special, huh?”

“Oh definitely not. I’m probably just getting some fries. I just wanted to keep you company in line… And maybe ask you something while I have you alone.” Ashlyn was being weird, which was a common occurrence but she was  _ nervous  _ too. Usually she was confident in her weirdness, so Ricky was a bit thrown off. Her and EJ had moved to town earlier this school year and joined their social circle in no time, mostly because of Nini. Nini, EJ, and Ashlyn were their own little trio most of the time, and when Gina and Howie were lost in their own world of first love, Ricky found comfort in his other friends. They were there when Howie left him high and dry and he appreciated it but now Ashlyn was looking at him _weird_.

“What’s going on?”

“Remember a couple weeks ago when there was that rumor that you and EJ were fooling around?” She whispered. 

“Yup. He wanted to get his mind off Carlos and we mutually agreed it wouldn’t mean anything, what about it? I thought we all agreed to leave that almost-accident in the past.” 

“Remember how upset Gina got and how she like… Charged up to you guys after school to ask you a thousand questions? Even  _ after  _ you told her nothing had happened yet?” 

Ricky felt his breath catch in his throat, “Gina’s pretty well-versed at overreacting to things, yeah.”  _ His chill attitude was working, right? _

“Do you think that maybe…. She reacted that way because of something else?” Ashlyn looked at Ricky with a soft expression. Her intentions were pure, he knew that. But he couldn’t do this. Not in a lunch line for corn dogs on the same day that Gina fawned over Howie in front of everyone. 

“And what would that something else be, Ashlyn? Pure distrust toward any decision I make for myself? Cause that’s usually what drives her to that level of annoyance.”

“I just think that you guys are being excruciatingly slow with all of this.” Ashlyn sighed, “Why would Gina care so much about you hooking up with someone?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Gina? I can’t read her mind for you.”  _ I wish I could.  _

“We both know Gina isn't exactly in touch with her emotions. It took her 15 years to admit her feelings for Howie just to realize it was too late.”

Ricky almost got whiplash at how quickly he turned his head to look at Ashlyn, “Too late? Did you not just see the flirt fest that happened at our table? That’s how all their interactions have been going the last few weeks. It’s sickening.” Ricky argued, unsure why he was doing it. Then again, he was a pro at doing things for stupid reasons. 

“I saw a very hung up Howie going out of his way to compliment Gina, yes. Gina…. Something’s different.” Ashlyn looked back toward the table. Ricky followed her eyeline and settled on Gina laughing at something EJ was saying. He didn’t notice the smile that was settled on his lips now. 

“All I’m saying is, she’s never going to realize what’s going on if you don’t spell it out for her. Don’t make her wait 15 years the way Howie did. Look where that got him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, this is the first chapter I wrote of this fic !! Thanks for reading!


	3. Cold Little Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not long after the previous chapter. Here have some angst!

Ricky drove as slow as he possibly could. He knew that going home was inevitable, his mom waiting for him. After receiving a phone call from Ricky's guidance counselor, Lynne Bowen discovered that Ricky had taken her car to school without permission _again_ and she practically reached through his phone and smacked him. He'd gotten in trouble with her enough times to know what to expect. And ever since his dad left and his siblings all moved out, she'd only gotten harsher. She was stuck with her least favorite kid, someone she'd once described as her "biggest mistake." Ricky pulled into his driveway nervously, letting out a sigh when he saw _her_ sitting on his front steps. Not now.

“Gina?” Ricky as he got out of the car. He felt strange about her being at his house like this. His eyes averted toward the front door, completely terrified at the idea of his mom finding Gina here. Anyone who got in her way when she was _this_ mad was asking to be torn apart, and he didn't like the idea of her hurtling insults as Gina.

“Hey Ricky, sorry. I- I just,” Gina stood up, eyes on the ground as she stuttered, but when she looked up, locking eyes with him, “I just really needed to talk to someone and I didn’t know where else to go.”

The dread that filled Ricky’s chest ceased for a moment and he searched Gina’s expression for a sign as to what the  _ hell  _ that meant.  _ She didn’t know where else to go!?  _ But not even the soft look in Gina’s eye or the way she was staring right back at him could distract Ricky from the stone cold fear that his mother could interrupt them any second,  “I’m really sorry, Gi, I’ll call you later. I can’t really talk right now.” He sighed, the disappointment in his tone evident. He wanted to sit with her and hear every problem she’s ever worried about. He wanted to be there for her right now. And the hurt look that crossed her face hurt Ricky more than anything his mother could ever say to him. 

“Oh.” Gina practically whimpered, sniffling quietly. “I should’ve just texted you, I'm sorry."

And just like that, Ricky was stepping closer to her, taking her hands and speaking softly, “No, it’s okay that you came, today’s just-“  _ I’m about to get my ass handed to me by my psychotic mother,  _ “What's wrong?” 

All thoughts of doing the responsible thing had soared out of Ricky’s brain the moment she looked hurt at his rejection. God, he really was putty in her hands. But then, she spoke. “Howie and I got in this stupid argument and I just know that he’s been more honest with you lately and I need to know what the hell is going on in his head.”

“Howie?” Ricky’s voice cracked, dropping her hands.  _ Of course, it was Howie. It was always Howie. It would always be Howie. Because at the end of the day, Howie and Gina were the fairy tale and Ricky was just the jester who fooled himself into thinking he could ever deserve a princess.  _

"He's being impossible. He's still pushing me away after all this time and-" Gina continued, not even noticing the way Ricky's entire face fell.

“Maybe you should’ve just texted me.” Ricky interrupted coldly, looking Gina dead in the eye before walking past her toward his front porch. 

“What?” Gina asked, turning around to follow him toward the steps. 

Ricky didn’t bother hiding the hurt in his tone, “You should go, Gina.“ 

"What?" She said again, clearly not used to Ricky saying no to her. He was such an idiot. 

"I have my own stuff to sort out. And you should go or-" _or my mom will come out here and tear you apart. Or I'll freak out at you and say something I can't take back._

“No, I’m not just gonna go! You asked what was wrong and I told you. And maybe I’m crazy but I thought you actually cared enough to possibly  _ help  _ me or at least  _ talk to me!”  _ Gina raised her voice slightly. There it was, that temper that only Ricky Bowen could get out of Gina Porter so easily. 

“Well I don’t care!” Ricky shouted, turning around just as he got to his front door. Unfortunately their talent at getting on each other's nerves was a two-way street and he wasn't done arguing yet, “Sorry to break it to you, Gina, but my life doesn’t revolve around you and all your neurotic drama.”

He was standing on the steps, throwing his arms up dramatically and she was stepping right up to get in his face, voice still booming, “You could’ve fooled me, since you haven’t left me the hell alone in  _ months _ ! Ever since you helped my sister out with the renovations you’ve been spending all your time trying to fix every little issue I have. So pardon me for actually coming to you first for once!”

“For once!?” Ricky let out a condescending laugh, “You’ve been leaning on me so much ever since you and Howie broke up, so don’t act like you didn’t want my help. Why else would you be here right now? You and Howie have been treating me like your little pawn in this awkward post-breakup dance and I’m so sick of it! I’m done.” 

“You’re done? What is that supposed to mean?” She was practically red in the face. Half of Ricky wanted to keep arguing and the other half wanted to kiss her to shut her up. He resented both halves right now. 

"It means that I'm done playing couples therapist for you two, I'm so sick of being put in the middle! You're both exhausting and I thought you'd relax, but it's been _months_ and I can't do this anymore."

"Nobody put you in the middle, Ricky. You're the one who started hanging around _me_ and inserting yourself into _my_ life!" Gina argued.

"As convinced as you are that I look for new ways to bug the hell out of you, I didn't come looking for _this,_ okay? I only started hanging around because Howie asked me to." And there it was. Saying something he couldn't take back. And right now, in his angry haze, he didn't want to take it back. Because the thought of Gina Porter knowing that he was in her life because he wanted to be, because he _needed_ her to be in his life... It was terrifying.

"He what?" Was all Gina said then. So eerily quiet that Ricky had to drop his gaze from hers but not before seeing her guarded expression fall to reveal the hurt on her face.

“That’s right, Gina. My life doesn’t revolve around you. Howie asked me to look out for you while you two were on weird terms. And now you’re friends again. Hell, you’re about a week away from getting back together if my calculations are correct so just get it over with and leave me the hell out of it.” Ricky retorted, finally turning around and reaching for the door. But to his absolute horror, it was already opening. And his mom was in the doorway, cell phone in hand. 

“What the hell are you two screaming about? I thought I made myself clear on the phone, Ricky. You’ve lost the right to a social life with those shitty grades you’re pulling. Get inside.” Lynne Bowen was never one to fake it. When she was mad at her son (which she usually was), she didn’t bother hiding it. Which only showed Ricky that she didn’t see anything wrong in how she treated him, proving that there was no end in sight. 

Ricky sighed, not giving Gina another glance as he walked inside his house. It took everything in him not to look at her, but he knew she’d see the look in his eye. She’d seen it before, that sad Ricky Bowen look that always came out when Ricky couldn’t fight it off anymore. A constant reminder that behind his snark and ridiculous cockiness, Ricky Bowen was just a sad kid who knew he'd never be more than the town failure. 

He heard his mother utter a simple, “Go home, Gina,” before slamming the door shut and now every ounce of anger he had in him was redirecting to his mother. “You don’t have to take it out on her, she doesn't know I'm grounded.”

“You were told to come straight home. The last thing you need is another distraction, especially when it won’t even lead anywhere, Ricky. I mean seriously, Gina Porter? That girl has enough issues between her drug dealer of a father and that worn out sister of hers. She doesn’t need a screwup for a boyfriend too.”

“I’m not her boyfriend.” Was all Ricky could muster up. He’d lost the energy to fight his mother years ago. Nothing he could ever say would change anything. 

“Well thank god for that. Even a girl like that deserves better than you.” 

“Don’t waste your breath, I know that.” Ricky started up the stairs, “And so does she.”

-

_ I asked Ricky to check in for a couple weeks after the break-up, that’s all. I promise, you guys becoming friends was never part of whatever deal Ricky said we had. He was just as worried about you as I was, you have to know that. You have to know how much Ricky cares about you. _

The words replayed in Gina’s head all weekend. More than any other part of her and Howie’s latest long-winded discussion. It was always so complicated with Howie. So many feelings were layered into everything they said to each other, with an entire lifetime of history to make it even heavier. Things only got weirder when they finally started dating, and the breakup just made things  _ impossible _ . But having Ricky in her life as more than just her best friend’s other best friend had helped. She couldn’t imagine what these past few months would’ve been without Ricky. And she couldn’t imagine her future without Ricky there with her. It was a new feeling, but Gina clung to it desperately.

Annoyingly smug Ricky.  _ Selfless and kind Ricky.  _ Stubborn and mouthy Ricky.  _ Intelligent and witty Ricky.  _ The same boy who used to shovel mud into her backpack in grade school ended up being the only person in this town to offer help to her and her sister when they almost lost their house. If someone had told Gina six months ago that she’d be showing up at Ricky Bowen’s door for comfort and advice, she would’ve laughed in their faces. And now, a wave of strange relief washed over her when she saw him leaning against the lockers down the hall before homeroom. Ricky Bowen, wearing his usual guarded expression and dorky hand-me-downs, was leaning right next to her locker. His eyes followed her as she drew closer, and something about the way he looked at her had started making her blush. Ricky started to open his mouth when she arrived, but she cut him off, “I’m still mad at you and Howie for trading me off like some kind of child.”

Ricky let out a quiet laugh, his eyes on the ground now. Gina glanced at him stealthily as she opened her locker, noting the strange smile on his lips that he thought he was hiding from her. “But," she continued, "I probably made things worse for you with your mom the other day. And I’m sorry about that and only that.” 

He lifted his head now, a cocky grin painted on his face. Gina groaned, grabbing her books, “Don’t get used to it, Bowen, I’ll never apologize to you ever again. Once was bad enough after all the torture you’ve put me through.” She shut her locker, but didn’t make a move to start walking, she just looked at her friend.

Ricky’s grin remained on his lips as he spoke, “It wasn’t exactly a trading type of situation. More like a favor kinda thing. I could use some help coming up with how I’m gonna cash in on this if you want to brainstorm with me? How about we split the favor since looking back, I said some shitty things to you the other day. Things I didn't mean.” He offered as they started walking down the hallway together like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

“I’m gonna need to hear you say it, Ricky.”

Ricky groaned, resting his forehead on her shoulder for a quick moment before finally giving in and lifting his head, “I’m sorry for being an asshole even though you were loitering outside my house unannounced, now please help me brainstorm our favor.”

“We need to work on your apologizing skills," Gina noted," And Howie can’t owe you much, really. You  _ got  _ to spend time with me. That’s a prize all on its own.” 

“Are you kidding? This is about to be the biggest favor Howie has ever owed me. I’m talking ‘ _ take the SATs for me’  _ big. You’re just  _ so  _ boring, he owes me big time.” Ricky joked right back, doing his best to ignore the electricity shooting through him at the simple act of their arms brushing against each other while they walked. 

  
What Ricky didn’t know is that Gina was ignoring the electricity too. She wouldn’t dare admit to herself that she felt it. That would be too complicated. She couldn’t feel _anything_ for Ricky Bowen. She just couldn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of what I have written so it may be a little bit before I update again! Thanks for reading


	4. Talk to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on my bullshit!! Here's my take on one of the most iconic Jacey scenes!! Thanks so much for the positive feedback!

This time Gina didn’t show up at Ricky’s house. She called him at 7am on a Sunday crying, and he sprang out of bed so quickly, he almost forgot to put pants on before running out the door. He took his mom’s car, not even caring about the inevitable punishment. 

It had now been six months since Howie asked Ricky to watch out for Gina for him. And about five months of Ricky trying to ignore his feelings for Gina. It was getting increasingly harder. So when he found Gina sitting on the floor of the empty school cafeteria, eyes puffy, his heart broke. She was all he saw at first, but when he let himself see past Gina he saw what must’ve caused this. Her mural. The one she’d put all her free time into. She drew the original sketch on a napkin while working at the restaurant. She showed the sketch to Ricky the very next morning and let him keep the napkin. The wall she’d transformed into a beautiful message of togetherness now had big black x’s spray painted all over it. 

Gina lifted her head and quickly started wiping her eyes at the sight of Ricky. She stood up quickly and sniffled, “It’s ruined. Weeks of hard work and finally allowing myself to share my art and…. Look at it.” Her voice broke, and so did something in Ricky’s chest. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around Gina. 

She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her face into his neck as he whispered, “It’s okay, we’re going to find whoever did this and then start over.”

“What’s the point?” She mumbled against his skin. He pulled away, still holding her waist, to look her in the eye. “You’ve poured everything into this mural, Gi. And whoever did this is probably just jealous that you have talent to share with the world. They’re probably some miserable and talentless prick who can’t stand finding out that you’re amazing at _everything_.”

Gina’s puffy eyes rolled, and she finally let go of Ricky, “I got the prize money, maybe I should just be grateful for that and leave it there.”

“No way. This school is a shitshow, but they finally did something right. They chose you to do this mural. And in ten years when you’re a big shot, they’re gonna be glad that they chose you to do this because they’ll have _proof_ that The Gina Porter attended this hell hole and still managed to make something of herself.” Ricky declared. 

Gina just stared at him, her eyes wild with something. But she didn’t roll them, she didn’t lecture him about his dramatic tendencies. Instead, she just hugged him again. She didn’t say anything and neither did he, they just held each other. And by the time she pulled away, the tears had stopped. Gina let go of Ricky, picked up her bag and pulled Ricky by the wrist toward the exit, “Come on.”

-

They sat in silence. Ricky drove and the radio played softly in the background as Gina stared out her window. He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what she needed to hear or even what she wanted to hear. He’d laid most of what was on his mind out for her back at the school. So he didn’t feel like he had anything left to offer. Nothing that wouldn’t ruin everything at least. 

Instead, Gina started, "Remember when we got paired up for that science project last year? God, that feels so far away,” she spoke softly, “Me and Howie hadn’t even…”

_Kissed. Admitted their mutual love. Done what everyone had always expected of them. And then did what nobody expected and broke up two months later._

“And you and Nini had just met yet.” Gina averted, watching Ricky now as if to gauge his reaction. “It feels like so long ago.”

“Well yeah, it’s been a year, Gina.”

“But it feels longer. I mean, you met Nini and fell in love. Like actual love. You two were perfect together and now you’ve been broken up for like. 6 months and you’re friends.”

Ricky squirmed in his seat, trying to focus on driving instead of whatever the hell Gina was trying to say, he flipped on the window wipers as it started to drizzle, “Mhm.”

“How do you do that?” Gina asked hopelessly. 

“Are you okay? You sound drunk, Porter.”

“I’m serious, how did you know it was better to just be friends with Nini?” He could feel Gina staring at him, Ricky refused to look at her. 

“Well she cheated on me, so.” 

“That’s why you broke up. But you still loved her. You were miserable after the breakup, Ricky. We weren’t friends yet, but Howie told me. But now you’re great friends and everything’s… normal. How the hell did you do that?”

_I fell in love with_ **_you_ ** _, idiot!!!!_

“What’s the point of all this?” Ricky snapped, glancing at Gina with an annoyed expression. “Can we not dig up my shitty past at 8am please, I’m barely awake.”

“It’s _not_ shitty and I’m serious. How did you know you and Nini we’re officially done? How did you know you could still be friends?” Gina pressed, her voice steady. Ricky had to admit, she was persistent. 

“I don’t know, Gina! It doesn’t matter! She broke my heart but we stayed friends anyway, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t?”

“No, you wouldn’t. It’s a personal question and you wouldn’t like the answer, so I’m not telling you.” Ricky felt like his brain was going to explode. “If you’re not gonna tell me why you’re asking, then don’t ask!”

“Okay, fine!” She shouted back, sinking into her seat with her arms crossed. “You’re so sensitive.”

“Now you know why I don’t willingly wake up before 9am.” Ricky muttered, pulling into Gina’s driveway and parking. He kept his eyes forward and tried not to look as annoyed as he felt. He expected her to just get out of the car and leave it at that, but she didn’t. 

Gina sighed, eyes glued to Ricky, “Look, I shouldn’t have asked the way I did. I didn’t mean to dig anything up. I just- You were so devastated when you broke up, both of you. And now, you’re friends and you look out for eachother and it’s so… good. And I can’t understand how you pulled it off because I always….” Gina trailed off thoughtfully and Ricky finally stole a glance at her. She was looking down at her hands nervously now. 

“You always what?” Ricky asked gently. 

“I always thought human beings were like, wired to leave when things got hard.” She spit out, not looking up. “You and Nini met and started dating like a month later. And you still stuck around for eachother after you broke up. Me and Howie have been best friends for fifteen years and barely spoke after things went south. We were both going through hell and he wouldn’t even look at me. So, I guess, now it feels like people just leave _me_ when things get hard.”

Ricky turned the car off and shifted in his seat to face her, the rain growing louder against the windshield, “Gina.”

Gina looked up at him with glossy eyes and shrugged sadly, “That’s why I asked. And it’s okay. You don’t have to fix this, you can let me be sad. It’s fine. It’s just- My entire life, _two_ people have stayed. And Lizzie’s just stuck with me because our mom died, so she barely even counts. But our dad left and Howie left and-“

“Howie?” Ricky interrupted, not meaning to say it out loud. 

Gina locked eyes with Ricky and nodded slightly, “I told him I couldn’t be his girlfriend until I figured out who I am and we broke up and he disappeared from my life completely. I still needed him and he wasn’t there. And maybe it’s my fault for pushing but I should be able to push a little without someone who’s supposed to love me just immediately running away.” Gina kept rambling, looking away from Ricky now. “I just want to know how you and Nini could be friends the way you are now because I want that with Howie. I just want to be his friend again.”

Ricky’s head was spinning trying to keep up, and before he knew why, he was unbuckling his seat belt and exiting the car to pace in front of it. It was raining harder than he'd thought, but he paid no mind to it. Nope. Not when Gina Porter is asking his advice on how to be _friends_ with Howie. Not when his heart is about to beat right out of his chest.

It was 8:07am and Ricky Bowen was pacing around Gina Porter’s driveway in the rain, his sweatpants and t-shirt already soaked. Gina climbed out after him, sounding confused, “Ricky!? What are you doing?!” 

“Who’s the second person?” Ricky asked instantly, spitting the words out like they burned his tongue. He stood still now, eyes locked on Gina's.

“What?”

“The second person in your life who’s always stayed?” 

Gina looked mortified but didn’t look away from him, her arms crossed over her chest tightly, “You, obviously.” 

Ricky felt everything in that moment. Every argument they'd ever had, every unspoken understanding, every smile she tried to hide from him, every phone call, every ounce of support she’d ever given him. Everything about Gina Porter that drove Ricky Bowen _insane_ in the best way was running through his mind and making his heart pound.

“Obviously?” He asked, his voice quieter than he meant it to be. 

“Yes, obviously.” Gina shrugged, “Before we were friends, we were Howie’s broken best friends. You checked on me after my mom died, I checked on you when your dad moved away. In our weird passive aggressive way, we were always there. And now we’re actually friends and you’ve never hesitated to be here for me even when I’m a jerk to you. Even when you’re being a jerk to me.” Gina rambled on and Ricky felt a pounding in his head now. 

“And that’s why you called me this morning? And not Lizzie or anybody else?” He rushed the words out, scared of losing this momentum. A voice in his head told him to stop, but he couldn’t. He couldn't go one more second without finding out if Gina _knew_ how deep this really went.

“Yeah, so?”

“Why?” Ricky pressed.

“Why what?” Gina was looking at him with that annoyed look in her eye that usually made Ricky smile.

“Why did you call me, Gina?” He asked urgently, like his life depended on it. 

“I don’t know! Look, if you’re mad, I won’t call you so early anymore. God. Can we just go on the porch or something. It's getting cold."

“No, I’m not mad. I just want to know _why!?”_

“Because you’re the first person I thought of! Because you always pick up and you always know what to say!” Gina burst out, sounding frustrated now. 

Ricky took a step closer to Gina, “Okay, so what does that tell you?”

“It means you’re my friend and I feel comfortable coming to you and-“ She paused, furrowing her brow, “What!? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I always look at you like this.” Ricky stated quickly, refusing to break eye contact first. It was true. He caught himself staring at Gina all the time, admiring her while she studied or talked about something she cared about or when she laughed at one of EJ's dumb jokes. Ricky used to force himself to look away, in fear that Gina would catch him, but not anymore. Now he let himself stare, _hoping_ that Gina would notice and _do something about it._

“No, you don’t.” Gina rolled her eyes, glancing away from him. “If this is some weird way of telling me not to call you like this anymore, then I won’t! Okay?! You're freaking me out. Just be normal and _talk_ to me! ”

Ricky shook his head, spitting the words out too quickly,, “Aren’t you tired of talking? _I’m_ tired!”

Gina was still looking at him with pure confusion, trying to ignore the way his soaked hair was falling into his face because she didn't like the light feeling in her chest it was causing. She also didn't like how she _couldn't_ ignore how close Ricky was standing to her now, “What are you even-“

And before she could finish. Before Ricky could talk himself out of it. Ricky kissed Gina, holding her face in his hands. And in an unexpected twist, Gina kissed him back, pulling him closer to her with the fabric of his t-shirt. Years of hating each other, months of friendship, and weeks of unexpected feelings didn't matter to Ricky in the moment he felt Gina pull him closer. He knew he was an idiot for loving her because he thought she would never reciprocate those feelings for him. _But now?_ Now Gina Porter was kissing him with all her might and tangling her fingers through his wet hair without a moments hesitation.

Finally, when Ricky pulled back slightly, he caught a glimpse of Gina with her eyes still closed and lips pursed. A smile formed on his face as he took a much needed breath, but then Gina opened her eyes. For a moment, she looked confused but it quickly turned into anger, she shoved Ricky backward. “ _What the hell are you doing!?”_

Ricky put his hands up, feigning innocence.

“Are you completely unhinged!?” She was yelling now, shoving Ricky again. 

Ricky groaned, part of him had expected this kind of reaction. Nothing could ever just _be_ with Gina, “I’m sorry! God, it was an impulse, okay?” 

“An _impulse_!?” Gina let out a sigh and hid her face with her hands before erupting again, “Do you have any idea how colossally detrimental an impulse like _that_ could be to everything?”

“Detrimental? Gina-“ Ricky turned away from her out of annoyance, “Will you calm down?”

“No, I won’t calm down! What happens if- if everyone finds out?”

“If everyone finds out what? That I had the nerve to kiss you or that you had the nerve to kiss me back?” Ricky turned to look at Gina in time to see her cheeks flush, eyes still blazing. He knew she was talking about one person and one person only. _Howie._

“I did _not_ kiss you back!” 

“You _grabbed me_!” Ricky let out a laugh, the fire in his chest rising the way it only could when he argued with Gina.

“You grabbed me first!” 

“So would you say, you grabbed me back…. as an _impulse_ ?” Ricky teased, for some reason beyond his own understanding. Even now, moment after _kissing_ Gina Porter, she was still driving him crazy to the point of sarcasm. 

“You’re unbelievable. _Unbelievable._ You have no concept of what this could destroy. Of who this could hurt!”

“Silly me for thinking that a kiss could just be a kiss, Gina. God, not everything has to be so complicated.”

"No, but _this_ does! We can't- You can't-" Gina took an uneven breath, "You know why this can't just be some meaningless _impulse_ , Ricky." She paused, raising her eyebrows at him before adding dramatically, "Howie! Remember?! Our best friend!"

Ricky scowled, throwing his hands up, "Look, it was a fleeting moment of stupidity, Porter. It won't happen again! So can we just fast forward through all the relentless lecturing and call it a day?" 

Gina stared at him with hard eyes before sighing and turning to storm into her house. She spoke over her shoulder loudly, "You're right about one thing, that will _never_ happen again, Bowen!"

Ricky stomped into his mom's car, not caring about getting the seat wet. He didn't care if he got grounded and locked in his room for the rest of his young life. Nope, it all seemed much easier than having to see Gina again after what he just did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #RinaRainKiss


	5. The Week After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post-rina rain kiss anyone? forgive all the choppy time jumping, but here's some awkwardness!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay... i'm back ??? i missed writing rina / jacey so let's see how much muse i can take advantage of

**Interaction #1:** Text

It had been three days since the kiss and they hadn’t spoken since. They avoided each other at school and now Ricky had somehow roped himself into camping out in Howie’s backyard with the intention of telling him everything. About his feelings for Gina, about the kiss, even about Gina’s very angry reaction (maybe that would soften the blow). He gave himself a pep talk all day after school about how he would bring it up and everything he’d say but the moment he showed up at Howie’s door, all was forgotten. How could he look his best friend in the eye and tell him something that he knew would completely destroy everything?

_ “Well, are your feelings going anywhere?”  _ Ricky’s sister, Gretchen, had asked him over the phone the night before.  _ “Cause if they are, why bother rocking the boat? But from the sound of it, you’ve got it bad, kid. So the longer you hide it, the harder it’ll be.” _

He hated when she was right.  _ “I don’t think it’s worth telling him anyway, Gretch. Gina doesn’t like me back.” _

_ “You are so dumb. One minute you’re telling me that she gave you A Look and now you’re saying she doesn’t like you? Make up your damn mind!” _

_ “Oh, my mind is made up. I’m crazy about her.. I can’t stop thinking about her. And she said I’m the first person she wants to call when shit happens and that I’ve always been here for her and she was asking for advice on how to just be friends with Howie… I must’ve misread something because even though she kissed me back, she was  _ **_not happy_ ** _ about it..” _

_ “Act first, think later,’ has been your motto for as long as I can remember, Rick. Look, you can’t explore this thing with Gina until Howie knows. You’re letting the mere idea of his reaction loom over you, so bite the bullet and tell him, you wimp.” _

So here he was. Trying to tell Howie. And utterly failing. At some point, without Ricky’s doing the topic of Gina came up. 

“God, remember our old fort in the woods by Gina’s house? We used to hang out there all the time!” Howie reminisced as they dug through the snack cabinet. 

Ricky let out a laugh, eyes on the ground, “Yeah, we had so many firsts there, I drank my first beer there when we were eleven.”

“And I almost threw up just from the smell.” Howie laughed, smacking his arm. “That was the same summer we got sprayed by a skunk! And you told Gina the skunk smell was an improvement for her.”

Ricky felt like his throat was about to close up, “Crazy summer.”

_ Now. Do it now. He set it up, he brought up Gina. Do it. _

But then Howie added more. “God, things were so simple back then. It was just the three of us spending every waking moment together. Now I feel like I barely see you  _ or  _ Gina.” Howie sighed, smiling at Ricky sadly. 

Ricky nodded quietly, things would never be like that again, “Growing up sucks.”

Gina didn’t get brought up again for the rest of the night. They played video games and complained about their parents and ate too many s’mores. In theory, it was just like every other time Ricky had slept over, except for the fact that the entire night, all Ricky could think about was Gina. It was exhausting, knowing she was just next door in Nini’s house, while he had to sit here and pretend not to be thinking about it. That was the worst part about all these stupid feelings he had now, when they were apart: Ricky missed Gina so much, it was all he thought about. _I wonder if Gina would like these snacks. I wish Gina was here to remark about how violent video games were ridiculous_... Ricky could not believe he had resorted to wishing Gina was here to _lecture_ him.  _ How had he gotten himself into this situation? _

-

Ricky laid awake, staring at the ceiling of the small tent he shared with Howie. He checked the time on his phone obsessively.  _ 10:47. 11:02. 11:18. 11:33.  _ Without thinking, he sat up and unlocked his phone. He sighed, glancing at Howie who was fast asleep.  _ I’m in love with Gina. I kissed her because I act first and think later and she might hate me but that won’t stop me from loving her. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, you’re my brother. But I’m in love with Gina and I hope you don’t hate me for it, cause if you make me pick…..  _

Ricky shook the thought out of his mind and stared at his phone, where his text chain with Gina was open. The most current message was from the night before the kiss. “ _ yeah yeah, whatever you say, bowen. goodnight.” _

He sighed, torturing himself with the idea that the last message she sent before going to bed was saying goodnight to him. And all at once he realized that Gretchen was wrong. He didn’t need to tell Howie first. No, he needed to figure out what the hell this was so he  _ knew what to even tell Howie.  _

So he started typing. 

—

Gina laid awake in Nini’s room with freshly manicured nails and moisturized skin. A girls night wasn’t exactly her cup of tea, at least not one that was spa-themed. But Nini has been so excited about it and Gina couldn’t help but feel guilty around Nini now.  _ What if she’s not over Ricky? What if she was just respecting his wishes while secretly hoping they’d reunite? What if she would hate Gina for kissing him?  _ Not that she  _ really  _ kissed him though. She was guilty by association, that was all. Right?

She could lie to herself all she wanted, but she was very guilty of two things. First, she  _ let  _ Ricky kiss her and then she actively  _ kissed him back.  _ It was all right out of a nightmare. So she avoided his eye in class, only to find that he wouldn’t look anywhere in her general direction anyway.  _ He must regret it.  _ That was good, right? It would be easier if Ricky regretted it… So why did the possibility upset Gina so much? __

Instead of letting herself ponder  _ that _ , Gina focused on schoolwork and repainting her mural. But she couldn’t help noticing that suddenly Ricky was glued to Howie, the way he’d previously been glued to her. And it made her stomach churn. Not in a jealous way, definitely not. No, she was scared he’d tell Howie about the kiss.  _ Yeah, that’s it. _ Nothing else to unwrap there.Thursday after school, Howie mentioned something about camping out with Ricky that night and she had to pretend to not have any thoughts on the topic. 

_ “Cool. I’m actually staying at Nini’s tonight. With Ashlyn. Something about necessary girl bonding.”  _

_ “Oh, you’ll be right next door! Nice.” _

And now, Gina laid awake thinking about that exact detail. Howie and Ricky were both just on the other side of Nini’s fence. Just outside her window, there was a small tent pitched in the Lawson’s backyard. Ashlyn had pointed it out earlier, but Gina didn’t have the nerve to even approach the window. 

And now, as she laid awake thinking about  _ him _ , her phone buzzed. A wave of fear sank into her gut, grabbing her phone and glancing around only to find that Ashlyn and Nini were both fast asleep. And of course, the text was from Ricky. 

_ ‘i know it’s late and you don’t have to answer but i’m sorry again for my little impulse the other day. it was a fleeting moment of stupidity. won’t happen again.’ _

Her eyes scanned his text over and over. It couldn’t be real. Was Ricky Bowen admitting that he was  _ wrong  _ for once? Gina assumed he’d been avoiding her at school out of spite because of how she’d reacted. But now she couldn’t shake the idea that maybe he was avoiding her because… he felt bad. 

Gina let out a quiet laugh at the mere thought, but she couldn’t shake it. So she quietly crept out of Nini’s bed and to the window, pushing the curtain aside to look toward Howie’s yard. She smiled softly, it was a backyard she spent most of her childhood in. Playing tag, making snowmen, just killing time any way they knew how. That yard was where Gina realized she was in love with Howie. They were 10 and he’d held her hand for a quick moment to run through the rain and back into his house. It put a smile on her face for the rest of the day. Gina couldn’t imagine how her younger self was so sure of what her feelings meant back then. Now, everything was so complicated. She cared about Howie, and she definitely loved him. He’d always been there. Until he wasn’t. Until she needed him the most. 

Something caught her eye in the darkness of Howie’s backyard. A figure was leaving the small tent, Gina squinted, but could only make out somewhat of a silhouette. Until he turned his phone on, and it lit up his face enough for Gina to see the outline of curls.  _ Ricky.  _

Ricky started doing something that he’d been doing a lot of lately. He was pacing in front of the tent and staring down at his phone. Gina smiled to herself without realizing it and thought about how she’d never seen Howie’s backyard from this angle before. And how it was also the place where she first realized she  _ hated  _ Ricky Bowen. They were 7 and he’d hit her right in the nose with a soccer ball. He had claimed it was an accident, but he laughed through his hollow apology. She remembered hating him so deeply, and up until recently there was never any reason to doubt it. But sometimes, the way he looked at her made her wonder how she could ever hate him.

Her eyes followed Ricky as she wondered why she felt so strange about seeing the yard from a new angle. Then, he finally stopped and started typing on his phone. And to Gina’s horror, she felt her phone buzz again. 

_ ‘friends?’ _

He had been pacing around over texting her a single word? She watched him stare at his phone and a thought crossed her mind,  _ she’d never seen Ricky from this angle either.  _ He was  _ nervous  _ and suddenly pacing over something as simple as a text message. This boy who was always so sickeningly sure of himself had melted in front of her eyes. He was pacing over asking her if they were still friends.  _ Of course they’re still friends, what else would they be? _

Before she let that question really sink in, Gina looked back to her phone and started typing. 

**Interaction #2:** Talk

The next day dragged worse than Ricky could’ve imagined. He’d barely slept the night before, to no surprise. Somehow getting a response from Gina was worse than her ignoring him. He figured she’d be asleep. Gina Porter awake at 11:45 on a school night? She just kept surprising him. Her being awake  _ and  _ her message had left him utterly speechless. 

_ ‘don’t worry about it. it was just as much my own fleeting stupidity as yours. definitely friends.’ _

But not speechless enough to stop him from sending her a quick  _ ‘goodnight porter’ _

She replied right away with  _ ‘goodnight ricky’  _ and Ricky could’ve sworn he felt his heart do a leap in his chest. Something had to be wrong with him. The girl he’s in love with agreed that they’re  _ friends  _ and he freaked out like this? Well, better friends than going back to being sworn enemies, right? 

_ Wrong.  _

Because when he walked into lunch the next day, he saw all of his friends at one table for the first time all week, Gina and Howie included. Ricky was seconds away from turning around and leaving school altogether until he heard Nini call his name and wave him over. Of course, the only open seat was between Gina and Nini. And  _ of course _ , Howie was on the other side of Gina.  _ Could this friend group by any more incestuous?! _

Ricky sat down without uttering a word and simply nodded along to whatever his friends were saying. Gina was silent too, and he could physically  _ feel  _ how uncomfortable she was. Maybe he could pretend he had to leave for detention or a makeup test or something. Maybe he could text Gretchen to call the office and pretend to be their mom so he could ditch the rest of the day. But then, EJ spoke, pulling Ricky away from his escape plan. 

“Ricky, got any plans for the long weekend?” 

“Yeah, Howie invited me to go to his aunt’s cabin.” Ricky shrugged, poking around his fries. 

Gina turned to him quickly, asking softly, “You’re going to Juliet’s too?” 

Ricky turned to her with wide eyes, “Uh…”  _ The first time he's spoken to her since their kiss and he can’t even form real words. _

“I invited him last night,” Howie explained, “The three of us never hang out anymore.”

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Ricky whispered, averting his eyes, only to see EJ and Ashlyn watching him with amused looks. 

“ _ I _ go every year.” Gina whispered through her clenched jaw. 

_ Well, pardon me for assuming you’d be hesitant to join your ex-boyfriend on a weekend trip!  _ Ricky thought he was replacing Gina on the trip, not  _ joining them.  _ Ashlyn had to bring her water bottle up to her mouth to hide her smirk and Ricky shot her a warning glare.  _ What is her problem lately?  _ Ricky chose to stay silent the rest of lunch, keeping his eyes glued to his food.

When the bell rang, Ricky began walking with EJ to their English class when Gina came up from behind them, “Hey.”

EJ greeted her casually, the three of them used to always walk together- until Ricky ruined everything and she started walking a different way. Ricky simply nodded toward her, noticing how uncomfortable she looked. Luckily, EJ carried the brunt of the conversation until they arrived at Gina’s classroom. 

Gina grabbed Ricky’s backpack abruptly to stop him, letting go quickly when he looked back at her in annoyance, “Um, wanna talk about this weekend for a second? Carpool plans?” 

Ricky cleared his throat, “Yeah… EJ, I’ll catch up.”

“Okay, don’t be late again or Wilkes will slaughter you.” EJ looked amused, unable to hide his smirk. Ricky shot him a dirty look, which only caused a bigger grin.

Once EJ was gone, Gina leaned toward Ricky and whispered angrily, “Did you tell him? He and Ash are being so weird.”

“Of course, I didn’t tell them. They're just... always weird. I didn’t tell anybody!” Ricky whispered back, making a conscious effort not to look her in the eye. He couldn’t handle that yet. 

“Good. Me either,” There was a long pause before she continued,”You have to make an excuse to not go this weekend!”

“I already told Howie I was free. And I told my mom I’d be gone all weekend, she’s already inviting her friends over for wine and hallmark movies.  _ You _ make an excuse!”

“I can’t randomly ditch him! We already talked about how excited we were for things to be like they used to!” Gina ran a hand over her face, exasperated. 

“Cause it’s that easy,” Ricky muttered, continuing when he saw Gina’s glare, “I’m just saying, Gina. You’re the one saying we _ruined_ everything!”

“ _ You  _ ruined everything.” 

“What happened to it being your fleeting stupidity too?” Ricky retorted, sighing, “Look. It’ll be weird at first, but we’ll adjust. We used to hang out with Howie when we despised each other. We can handle this too.”

“This is  _ different _ .” Gina whispered softly, the animosity in her voice was absent as she looked away from him. Ricky opened his mouth to question her when the bell rang. 

“Shoot.” Gina sighed, staring at Ricky for a moment with an unreadable look in her eye, “Get to class before you get detention again.”

  
Ricky watched her duck into her own classroom and he just stood there for a long moment.  _ Maybe if I stand here long enough someone will give me detention all weekend and I won’t have to go...  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> their weekend trip is coming soon! :) Thanks for your patience, i didn't plan on coming back to this so it's nice to know y'all still care lol


	6. 1000 Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the much anticipated weekend away! this took a LONG time to finish because of how much i LOVE this episode of dawson's creek, i really wanted to do it justice! enjoy :)

Interaction #3 (Since their First Kiss): Touch

Howie’s Aunt Juliet was exactly how Ricky remembered her. Artsy and charismatic, she wore her hair down so her natural curls framed her face perfectly. She hugged each of them and commented on how much they’d grown. He’d met her a few times at past Lawson family barbecues that he’d wreaked havoc on.

Before Ricky knew what was going on, she was asking Howie to help her chop firewood outside and directing Ricky and Gina to the guest room to put their bags away.

It was embarrassingly silent as Ricky took in the room, noticing a picture of Howie and Gina on the dresser, it looked a few years old. Howie had his arm thrown around Gina’s shoulders as he smiled at the camera, and Gina was smiling at Howie.

Ricky turned away from the photo to notice Gina throwing her stuff onto the top bunk of the bunkbed and couldn’t help but attempt some normal banter, “Taking the single bed for yourself?”

Gina glanced at the adjacent queen bed that was underneath her top bunk, “It’s not like I’m sharing _that_ with Howie.”

Ricky noticed Gina blush, clearly she connected the dots just as quickly as Ricky had. The only other alternative would be her and Ricky sharing a bed. “I’m gonna go check if they need help.” He darted for the door, already frustrated at the idea of feeling this uncomfortable all weekend.

“Why did you come, Ricky?” Gina blurted out behind him.

Ricky turned back to see that she couldn’t even look at him now, her eyes were trained on the floor. “I said yes before I knew-“

“No, not that excuse. I want to know why Ricky ‘I Can Weasel My Way Out of Anything’ Bowen just accepted defeat and came anyway.” Her tone was accusatory, but her soft expression betrayed her.

“Because I wanted to come.”

“Oh really? You were just dying to sit in the back seat and barely utter a word to me or Howie the entire drive?” She finally looked up at him, tilting her head. Ricky could feel the tone of this conversation changing rapidly.

“Yes, really, Gina. I’m trying to do what you want me to do. You want normal, so I’m pretending things are normal. Okay? I’m pretending that this whole situation isn’t completely deranged.”

“You being silent isn’t normal, _normally_ you never shut up.”

Ricky laughed bitterly, “See, this just goes to show how our old normal can’t work anymore, Gina. I’ve been sitting in the backseat silently, watching _The Gina and Howie Show_ my entire life. You just weren’t paying attention to me before.”

Gina stepped closer to him hesitantly, insisting, “I’m not paying attention _now_ either.”

“Is that why you stiffened when I sat next to you at lunch yesterday? Or how you kept looking at me in the rear view mirror today in the car?” Ricky pointed out without hesitation, not bothering to lie that he definitely was paying attention to her. It wasn’t a secret anyway. Hell, even Ashlyn and EJ noticed.

“I was- I didn’t- You're delusional.” Gina protested, stepping closer again and lowering her voice. “If you’re trying to be normal then stop paying so much attention to me! That’s not normal!”

“You didn’t seem to mind me paying attention to you before.”

Gina opened her mouth to argue but seemed at a loss for words. Then, she just sighed, “Okay, well. We’re done with this conversation.” She walked past Ricky to leave the room. Something about the guarded look on Gina’s face made him feel desperate for her to stay here with him. An unsettling feeling that Ricky might not get the chance to really talk to Gina again all weekend sank in.

“Tell me you didn’t notice the way I look at you.” Ricky spoke before he could stop himself, shocked when Gina stopped in the doorway. _She wasn’t running away?_

Ricky stared at the back of her head like his life depended on it. The air in the room had gone stale in a way he wasn’t expecting. She turned around with a hard look in her eye, “Why did you come this weekend, Ricky?” He felt like her repeated question was somehow an answer to his, her tone was pleading. It sent goosebumps up Ricky’s spine.

And he just didn’t have it in him to lie again. “Because I wanted to be with you! As painful as this awkward dance is…. When someone feels as strongly as I do, the mere act of being close to you is worth it. No amount of uncomfortable silence or rejections can take that away. So until you tell me to get lost, I’m gonna be here. I’m gonna keep showing up.”

At some point during Ricky’s confession, he’d closed most of the gap between them. From only an arm’s length away, Gina stared at Ricky, her eyes wide. She was looking at him like she’d never really _seen_ him before, it made his chest feel hollow. As if until this very moment, she didn’t actually realize how real this was. That this made sense in a way she hadn’t expected (a conclusion Ricky had come to weeks ago). Her silence scared the shit out of Ricky, but what she eventually said scared him more.

“I can’t tell you to get lost, Ricky. I don’t want you to go anywhere.” She shrugged, her soft eyes locked on his. Her words felt like a punch to the gut. He loved her so much it actually hurt when she said things like that. Because he knew she meant it, but he wasn’t sure that it was enough. He wasn’t sure if _he_ was enough. But god, Gina Porter was gazing at him like he was the sun all of a sudden and it was making him go crazy.

Ricky let out a heavy breath, “See, that right there. That’s where we ran into trouble last time. You can’t look at me like that, Gina, it makes me want to kiss you.”

Gina let out a nervous laugh, “What!?” She took a hesitant step back, blushing heavily, her eyes still on Ricky.

“I mean, any way you look at me makes me want to kiss you, but that look? It’s impossible to ignore, I can’t think about anything else but kissing you now. It’s absolute torture.” Ricky found himself smiling now because of Gina’s continued nervous laughing.

“Shut up, Ricky.” She rolled her eyes at him and he wanted to kiss her even more. She covered her face with her hands and Ricky stepped closer to her, gently pulling her hands away from her face. He held her hands in his, looking down at them. He felt Gina’s eyes on him, and had to work up the courage to return her gaze. When he did, Gina’s eyes got all soft again, and Ricky just knew he was mirroring her expression. Just another moment where Ricky let himself believe that Gina could actually love him back.

“Gina,” Ricky whispered, “I’m gonna count to ten, if you don’t want me to kiss you, then tell me not to. Cause you can’t look at me like that and expect me not to want to kiss you every time…”

_1... 2... 3... 4... 5..._

Gina was holding her breath, he could tell by how still she was. He moved slowly, as if trying not to scare her. And just when Ricky thought his heart couldn't beat any faster, Gina's eyes fluttered closed as he brought a hand up to her jaw. He whispered, "Ten."

When his lips met hers, Ricky felt everything else fade away. Last week, their first kiss made everything feel so loud. They’d been yelling, they were in the rain. Overall, it was a terrifying experiment, really. But this kiss? This kiss made the world seem so quiet that Ricky was sure that time had stopped altogether. Gina kissed him back quicker than she had last time, even bringing her hands up to hold his face.

Suddenly, a voice from the next room brought them back to reality. “Gina! Ricky! Come help set the table!” Juliet called.

Gina and Ricky pulled apart instantly, eyes wide and breaths heavy. They stared at each other for a moment in stunned silence before Gina cleared her throat and left the room swiftly. Ricky didn’t watch her leave, he couldn’t bear to. He knew once they walked out of this room, they had to go back to pretending they were just friends. Maybe they _were_ just friends and Ricky had fooled himself completely, maybe their stolen kisses were just that and nothing more. The worst part was, Ricky knew he’d settle for meaningless stolen kisses forever if he had to. That’s how far off the deep end he was.

—

Gina couldn’t look at Ricky. She was too scared that her face would give everything away. With everything she was feeling right now, how would she ever be able to hide it? Did she want to hide it? What was there to hide anyway? Ricky had openly admitted to wanting to kiss her all the time… That wasn’t just some impulse, that was a very real admission. How long had Ricky wanted to kiss her so badly? Or better yet, _how long had she wanted to kiss him back?_

Unable to wrap her head around what happened before dinner, Gina simply played along for the rest of the night. She reminisced with Howie and his Aunt Juliet, while Ricky chimed in infrequently. The conversation kept looping back to Gina and Howie’s past trips here and Gina couldn’t stop thinking about what Ricky had said earlier.

_I’ve been sitting in the backseat silently, watching The Gina and Howie Show my entire life._

Had it really always been like this? Even now, Juliet, Howie, and Gina were all on the couch together and Ricky was in an armchair off to the side. It made Gina want to apologize for a lifetime of making Ricky feel like he was a second choice to his own best friend. Even if they hadn’t always gotten along, Gina never hated him enough to ever want to completely exclude him. She always thought they were equally important in Howie's life, and that Howie made that clear. Had she simply not noticed Howie playing favorites?

“Well, I remember going to that Fourth of July barbeque at Howie’s house years ago, and Ricky was there causing trouble all day.” Juliet smiled at Ricky, clearly just wanting to include him in their conversation, she even glanced at Gina. _What, was she a mind reader?_ Or had Gina been staring at Ricky a little too long as he sulked in the corner?

“You might have to be more specific, Ricky used to love causing trouble at my parents’ parties.” Howie laughed.

Gina saw Ricky smile at that and felt herself smiling too, adding, “Used to? Just last summer he almost set your house on fire with those faulty fireworks. Not that I’m complaining, it was kind of hilarious.”

Ricky turned to Gina hesitantly, smiling so softly that she was sure time was standing still. The glint in his eye was a look she knew well by now. It was the same look he’d given her when she won the mural contest at school last month, and just earlier today when Gina admitted that she wanted him around. He looked _proud_ , his eyes brightened ever so slightly, “In my defense, Howie’s dad gave me permission to light those.”

Everyone laughed and Ricky refused to break from Gina’s gaze, she narrowed her eyes slightly as if accepting an unspoken challenge. Ricky smiled back at her, but lost after a short moment, looking at Juliet when she spoke again. Gina grinned as she looked down at her lap in silent victory.

“No, the year I’m talking about, you guys must’ve been seven or eight. And Mr. Bowen here was chasing poor Gina around and calling her _Porter Potty_.”

Howie laughed loudly and Gina muttered, her cheeks burning, “Very unoriginal. Everyone called me that.”

“Yeah but I made it up.” Ricky bragged, and Gina caught his gaze again, reveling in how he’d come alive so quickly. Something in her felt more alive too as he smiled at her again. It felt like no one else was in the room. Her bubble quickly burst at the sound of Howie’s voice.

“Gina and Ricky were always on each other’s cases. Until recently,” Howie said with a smile, “I’m glad you two are finally getting along.”

And all at once, the guilt came rushing in. The light feeling in Gina’s chest was now overridden with fear. Fear of how Howie would react if he ever found out about his two best friends kissing behind his back. Not only would he have a million questions that she didn’t have the answers to, but he’d be hurt. Maybe even disappointed. He’d never been disappointed in her before. Just a moment ago, the thought of locking eyes with Ricky gave Gina goosebumps, but now? Now the mere concept made her stomach turn. _What had she gotten herself into?_

“Ricky, you’re being crazy!” Gina heard Howie from down the hallway, before she was anywhere near the guest bedroom. She quickened her pace instantly, terrified at the idea of Ricky telling Howie _anything_. Gina had only left them alone for five minutes to brush her teeth, _how much trouble could Ricky get himself into so quickly?_ When she got to the open doorway, Gina saw Howie moving her bag from the top bunk. Both boys were in their t-shirts and shorts, ready to go to bed.

“What’s going on?” Gina asked, noticing how hard Ricky was trying to not look as frazzled as he did. He spoke quickly, “Howie is insisting he get the top bunk all to himself like the selfish host that he is.”

“I’m not the host, this isn’t my house, Ricky.” Howie rolled his eyes, “Gina can’t sleep on the top bunk, she moves around too much in her sleep.”

“What?” Gina mumbled, refusing to look at Ricky now.

“The last time you tried staying up there you were hanging off the edge when we woke up. Hell, you fractured your arm falling off a normal bed just a few summers ago, let alone one this high up.” Howie argued, his tone light. He clearly thought he was the only sane person in the room. _Maybe he was._

“I’m sure she’s grown out of that, Howie.” Ricky spoke hesitantly.

“I have. I’ll be fine.”

“Better safe than sorry. All that talk about you two getting along and you’re being so juvenile. It’s just sharing a bed, relax.” Howie turned off the lamp and started climbing up the small ladder to the top bunk, clearly done with this conversation, “Goodnight.”

Gina mumbled a halfhearted, “Goodnight,” and turned to Ricky, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about how short her pajama shorts were.

“Well,” Ricky shrugged, climbing into the queen bed without another word, pulling the comforter over himself generously.

“Hey, don’t steal all the blankets.” Gina muttered, quickly going over to her side of the bed and pulling the comforter over herself with all her strength.

“Will you relax?!” Ricky whisper-shouted, laying on his back to give her a dirty look.

“Are you two seriously still arguing?” Howie asked from above. Again, the only sane person in the room.

“No, Ricky’s just hogging all the blankets! And he’s taking up the entire bed.” Gina muttered, pushing his shoulder.

“I’m on my side of the bed, you’re just being obnoxious.” Ricky countered.

“And you’re being infuriating. Nothing new.” Gina pulled on the covers once more and wondered to herself how someone who drove her so insane could also be someone she couldn’t stop thinking about kissing. It made this sleeping arrangement less than ideal. When they finally settled, and Gina was left with only her thoughts, she couldn’t stop thinking about how close Ricky was. She stole a glance in his direction and saw him staring up at the ceiling, turning his head when he noticed her. Gina quickly turned her head away from him to stare at the ceiling too. Until finally, she turned on her side to face away from him altogether.

Out of sight, out of mind. But that couldn’t be less true. Because Gina laid awake for what felt like hours, wishing she could think about anything but Ricky Bowen and how his lips felt on hers.

\--  
Within moments of waking up, Gina realized she still moved in her sleep. She heard an alarm blaring up above her as she stirred awake. Gina had turned over in her sleep and moved very close to Ricky, just about as close as she could get without being completely nuzzled into his neck. Ricky was just opening his eyes as Gina realized how close they were, and she started to pull away, but was immediately halted by a slight tug on her hand under the covers. Gina felt Ricky’s hand holding hers tightly, their fingers intertwined. She looked at Ricky, still sitting up a bit, he looked too sleepy to comprehend anything. “What?”

Gina pulled her hand gently, not daring to speak as she heard Howie stirring awake above them. “Oh.” Ricky replied dumbly, quickly letting go of Gina’s hand, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Gina spoke gently, looking down at her lap and trying to ignore the way she already missed his warmth. “I’m going to go, uh, change.”

“Okay.” Ricky sounded confused, rubbing his eyes gently as he sat up. Gina looked up at him and wanted to laugh at how messy his hair looked, and how cute it was. But the mattress above them shifting again caused her to chicken out. Gina stood up quickly, grabbing her clothes for the day and almost running out of the room.

All day, Gina did her best to just not look at Ricky. Because every time she did, she felt like her chest was going to explode. She couldn’t tell if she was nervous, or guilty, or just desperate to kiss him again, and this weekend was not the time to figure it out. Not with Howie and his aunt around. She didn’t even know what there was to figure out, so much was going on in her head at once. So her goal for the rest of the long weekend was to stall until she could get her head on straight.

But as the day dragged on, Gina felt like it might be impossible to ever get her head on straight. By dinner, she had resorted to staring down at her food and claiming to have a headache. Howie and Juliet outwardly showed concern, and when Gina stole a glance at Ricky, he was staring down at his plate too. She could tell he knew she was faking, and it made her feel worse.

After dinner, Ricky didn’t hesitate to help Juliet clear the dishes, clearly desperate to leave the room. Howie had his eyes on Gina as she stared down at her plate, placing a hand on her shoulder, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Gina forced a smile, “I’ll probably just lay down for a little.”

“That sounds like a good idea, you’ve been so off all day. It sucks this happened during our favorite weekend of the year.”

Instinctively, Gina apologized, somehow feeling even more guilty. “I’m so sorry, Howie.”  
  


“Don’t be sorry, what do you have to be sorry about?” Gina looked up at Howie quickly, his bright smile so confident in his own words.

In Howie’s eyes, she could do no wrong. He would never see this ‘Gina and Ricky’ bombshell coming because in his mind, Gina was still his. She had always been his. Everyone saw it that way, and for a long time, Gina had seen it that way too. But something shifted without anyone realizing, now the idea of belonging to Howie in that way felt suffocating. But she couldn’t find the words to tell him that without feeling like a monster.

Gina stared back at Howie for a long time and he continued smiling, looking confused now, “What?”

“Howie, I…” Gina trailed off, mouth hanging open as Juliet and Ricky returned for more plates.

“Oops, are we interrupting something?” Juliet laughed quietly, causing Howie to remove his hand from Gina’s shoulder.

Gina’s gaze found Ricky’s immediately, his lips were pressed in a tight line. “I was just telling Howie, I think I’m going to lay down for a little.”

“Okay, sweetie. If you need anything, please let me know.” Juliet frowned.

Gina couldn’t get out of there fast enough, darting into the guest room and not bothering to turn the lights on. She laid in the dark and wished she could stay in bed forever.

A couple hours later when Gina wandered around the empty house, looking for any signs of life. She couldn’t push away the hope that she’d find Ricky first. And she did.

Ricky was in the backyard, sitting by the fire pit by himself, he was shivering slightly. She took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her chest tightly. Ricky turned his head as she walked down the steps toward him. “Hey.”

Ricky nodded slightly, turning back toward the small fire, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Gina mumbled, standing a few feet from Ricky, “Where is everyone?”

“They ran to the store, Juliet forgot marshmallows.” Ricky explained quietly, his eyes still on the fire as Gina watched him. He felt a million miles away.

“I’m sorry about today, I just …” Gina attempted to explain herself, but her words got caught in her throat. Ricky looked up at her at her long pause, he looked absolutely miserable.

“Couldn’t face Howie?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to, Gina. It’s fine. I knew what I was getting myself into here. I mean, god, Juliet is like the poster child of ‘Team Howie and Gina,’ and I’m stupid enough to make my first real move in her damn house.You and Howie’s history is already enough to compete with-”

“It’s not about competing, Ricky. We’re supposed to have our own history!” Gina interrupted.

Ricky froze, looking up at Gina with a knitted brow. His silence spoke volumes as he continued waiting for Gina to elaborate.

“What? I didn’t mean it like that.” Gina scrambled, unsure of what she’d even meant by it. That was the worst part of all this. She felt like she owed everyone answers, but she didn’t even know what the questions were anymore.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I don’t know, Ricky! This has gotten so complicated so fast.” Gina covered her face in her hands for a short moment before continuing, “I tried telling Howie earlier, I really did. But I couldn’t find the words.”

“Try,” Ricky shrugged, “Tell me what you’d say.”

Gina shook her head, “I can’t.”

“Gina, if you won’t even try, then what the hell are we even doing?”

“That’s just it, Ricky, I don’t know what we’re doing! This is uncharted territory, okay? Why am I supposed to have the answers? How about you tell me what’s going on?!” Gina crossed her arms and Ricky stood up quickly, throwing his arms up dramatically.

“I’ve made my feelings more than obvious at this point, Gina. Everything I said yesterday about wanting to kiss you all the time has been true for weeks now, and I think a part of you knew all along. But you won’t even admit it to yourself, so forgive me for trying to understand how you’re feeling right now.”

“I feel awful, okay? That’s how I feel!” Gina shouted, “Howie is our best friend and I’m supposed to just know how I feel about not being able to get you out of my head? I’ve tried to make it stop, but it’s not working, Ricky. Nothing’s working and it’s scary!”

Ricky sighed, his head dropping for a moment. Gina attempted to compose herself, cursing the tears that were brimming. Ricky spoke gently, “I know it’s scary, and trust me, I feel awful too. The idea of Nini or Howie finding out about any of this breaks my heart. But I can’t stop thinking about you, and at this point, I’ve given up on trying to.”

Gina held his gaze nervously, trying to ignore her racing heart. Ricky’s words were enough to bring heat to her face, but the look in his eyes made her want to run and hide. It was enough of a distraction for Gina to allow a tear to fall down her face. Ricky stepped forward carefully, “Say something.”

“I-” Gina tried, she searched every inch of her overworked brain for something to say. But she wanted to just give up completely. The last thing she wanted was to say the wrong thing and hurt Ricky. But it seemed like staying silent wasn’t a safe option either. So, Gina said what she’d been thinking all day. “I’m not brave like you are, Ricky. I can’t just say whatever’s on my mind and roll with it. I can’t jump without knowing how far the fall is.”

“Think first, act later.” Ricky mumbled with a sad nod, “This isn’t about you not being brave, Gina. It’s about me not being enough. You’re plenty brave, the bravest person I’ve ever met, and you were always going to move on from Howie. But with the right guy, who you know is worth the fall. He’ll be enough to make you jump.” Ricky’s eyes bore into Gina’s, and she felt her breath hitch at how sad he looked. His voice cracked ever so slightly as he finished, “I’m not enough to make you really want this. It’s fine, I was fooling myself anyway. Let’s just forget about what I said and what we did and it’s fine.”

“Ricky, no.” Gina whispered, shaking her head quickly. Ricky Bowen had been the only person keeping her head above water these past few months. He was the only person who she’d let in enough to actually be there for her. Because no matter how much she’d tried in the beginning to push him away, Ricky Bowen never left. He was always there, and she hadn’t told him how thankful she was for that. For everything he’d done, everything he said, every hug he’d given her and every time he took her by the hand to drag her into trouble. This whole year, Ricky had been the center of her world and she couldn’t find the words to let him know that.

Gina watched the hope leave his eyes after a long moment of Ricky silently begging her to prove him wrong. With one final nod, Ricky stepped past Gina to head inside but stopped in his tracks when Gina grabbed his hand without turning around. Ricky’s fingers instinctively curled around hers, and she turned around to face him. They were face to face. She could tell he was holding his breath as he stared down at their hands. Before she could think better of it, Gina closed the space between them and kissed Ricky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream '1000 times' by sara bareilles
> 
> this is my formal apology for using Howie as Dawson instead of just some random person. Howie sweeite, I'm so sorry


End file.
